"Sex and the City" author Candace Bushnell (61) was married for ten years, then she struggled through the love jungle of the big city as an over 50 single. Experience with Tinder was also part of it, as described in her new book "Is There Still Sex in the City?" writes. However, she cannot recommend online love searches. In an interview with the news agency spot on news, Bushnell says that in the end there is usually a disappointment. She is a fan of another strategy.
Does it make a difference whether women are looking for a partner at the age of 20 or 50?
Candace Bushnell: As a single woman aged 20 or 30, you usually look for a serious relationship. You want to start a family, maybe have children. You want to arrive and settle down. As a woman in her fifties, you have probably already seen it all. Many women in their mid-fifties already have children and are unlikely to have any more, even if they probably could. So the difference is that you look for different things in old age. You no longer go on dates to find the father of your children there, but to get to know a partner, a kind of comrade.
A young man by the side of a more mature woman is no longer a rarity. How can this be explained?
Bushnell: Probably with the pornography and the MILF scene. There is a whole generation of men who grew up with the idea that older women are sexually attractive. And they are too. Women in their fifties can actually look better than women in their twenties and thirties. Depending on how you take care of yourself and your body. In addition, 20-year-old men usually have a hard time with women of the same age. The ladies think the young guys are terrible and show no interest. So maybe it's even easier for young men to have sex with an older woman.
You yourself came into contact with a dating app. What experiences have you had?
Bushnell: One thing really surprised me. Everyone who used the app hated it. Or hated yourself for it. This is probably due to the many bad experiences that one has with such dating apps. People are very good at reading other people in real life. But they can't on the screen. So it ends up with meeting people who have completely different views, lead a completely different life – who you actually don't like.
If not via the app, how else do you get to know potential partners?
Bushnell: I've always had a strategy. Just choose to find a friend and go to the next party. It worked well in my twenties. (laughs) This strategy may not be for everyone.
What is a good, working relationship for you?
Bushnell: Basically, it is important for a functioning relationship to have a healthy self-esteem. Relationships have nothing to do with magic. You have to know how to communicate, how to best deal with others and how to stand up for yourself and your interests. If you just criticize someone all the time, it can't work in the long run. So it's much more about skill than romance.
You have now met a new man. Do you make plans for the future?
Bushnell: My friend and I have a really modern relationship, we don't see each other all the time. He is with me part of the year, the other part is in Miami. So I would say that I am unlikely to get married. I have now reached another point in my life. I like my life. This is the most important thing: to like your life the way it is – whether you are with someone or not.