Now that The Bachelor has transitioned to lockdown dating (yeah, remember what that was a whole thing back in like April), the activities have taken on a more homely vibe. And in this case, it may well have involved broadcasting Locky‘s immaculate schlong to the whole of Australia as we ate dinner. Let’s dive in.
Locky chose Izzy for the one-on-one date. They kicked off making tacos before transitioning to a steamy spa date which was actually just a bubble bath zoom chat. Not a bad effort, though.
Anyway, the bubbles could only hide so much. When it came to getting out of the tub, Locky was left slightly, well, exposed.
One eagle-eyed viewer then paused the show in order to have a more through investigation. Peep it below.
Their expert opinion is clear:
However, not everyone is convinced. Like photos of bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, this screencap of Locky’s peen is blurry and distorted by poor lighting. It may well be that the produces did in fact blur his peen, and we’re simply ogling over nothing.
That would mean instead of a big old boenus, we’re actually looking at a tastefully-blurred hunk of man flesh. IRL they’re the same thing, but in the world of television, the difference is huge.
For Exhibit B, please consider this screencap taken a mere split-second earlier:
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) September 3, 2020
In it we see the subject’s left buttock, tattoo and a cheeky profile of a nipple. The subject’s penis is nowhere to be found.
While it is possible the clip uploaded to Insta was faked, the amateur cinematographic aesthetic would point to it being wholly undoctored footage.
This means something must have happened between the second and first screenshots in order for Locky’s dingaling to undulate in a forward direction.
We will update this post with more evidence as it comes in. More to cum.
Now that the episode is up on Tenplay, this writer has had the opportunity to go over the footage more times than any human should.
If we isolate the exact fame which was shown in that Instagram post, we can now see that what once appeared to be Locky’s cocky is actually just Locky’s hand.
Yep, most definitely a hand.
computer… cross-reference images…
Was this whole article a waste of time? Absolutely not.
The real Locky’s peen was the Locky’s peen we imagined along the way. That’s something we can treasure in our memories forever.